When is A Fourth Date not A Fourth Date?
by jcrycolr3wradc47
Summary: Some dates end in passionate kissing. This one ends with Thorin drinking alone, but at least Bilbo didn't call the cops right? (Bagginsheild, Supernatural AU. Kinda)


"I can't believe you!" Bilbo stomped up the steps to his home, raving as he went "Go on a date he said! It'll be fun he said! Gandalf didn't mention you were a psychopath!" He was shaking so hard the keys in his hand rattled.

"Bilbo, I deeply apologize. I didn't mean-"Thorin hurried up the steps, stopping on the second one down from Bilbo.

"Didn't mean to? How can you not mean to stab a person, Thorin?" Bilbo dropped the keys and with cat like reflexes Thorin grabbed them from the air.

"I just thought- I mean I-" Thorin squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath in through his nose, trying to organize his thoughts.

"What? What could possibly be a reasonable explanation for grabbing the waiter, smashing his head into the table and then stabbing him with the dinner fork?" Bilbo's voice was high and slightly hysterical.

"I hunt demons." Thorin's words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. Thorin opened his eyes and saw Bilbo standing there, mouth part way open and angry flush still covering his cheeks. 'He looks damn good angry.' The thought passed through Thorin's mind and he had to bite his cheek.

"What?" Bilbo said. Thorin swallowed and said, a little bit louder, "I hunt demons." Silence reigned once more as Bilbo opened and closed his mouth and blinked dumbly. Finally he collected himself with a deep breath.

"I'm going to murder Gandalf." He muttered then held out his hand to Thorin. "Give me my keys and then turn and walk away. I'll call you tomorrow."

"But I-"

"Thorin. I'm tired. It's been a long day and I have another man's blood on my favorite jacket and I've just realized I'm going to have to have a very long chat with a certain meddling wizard. Now give me my keys."

"You know Gandalf is-"

"Thorin. Keys. Now." Bilbo looked rather dangerous at the moment, so Thorin finally held out the keys. Before he could pull his hand away, Bilbo caught him in a gentle kiss.

"Hey. Just give me tonight to get my thoughts in order. Tomorrow I'll call you." Bilbo gave him another peck on the cheek. "And don't sulk."

"Uncle!" Kili's voice sounded over joyed and he could hear the clatter as his nephews threw down the controllers for their video games. He hung his coat in the hall and walked into the kitchen. Dwalin was sitting at the table cleaning and sharping his knives.

"Date ended badly?" he asked as he idly rubbed at a spot on one of the blades.

"What? No-" Thorin reached for a beer in the ancient fridge before Dwalin interrupted.

"Must've. Otherwise you wouldn't be sleepin' here tonight."

Fili and Kili arrived in the kitchen, Kili still grumbling over the lost game and wanting a rematch. Thorin hid his eye roll behind another sip of beer. Despite hunting actively for three years and being around hunters their entire lives, they still managed to act like children.

"How'd the date go, uncle?" Kili asked, sitting on the counter.

"Get off that. Your mother would have my scalp if she knew. And as I was about to tell Dwalin the date was,"

"Terrible? Offensive?" Fili interjected, leaning forward eagerly.

"No. It was –"

"He's a demon in disguise and you had to kill him?" Kili suggested.

"No!"

"He wouldn't put out?" Dwalin asked, testing the blade's sharpness.

"For Durin's sake no! I stabbed the waiter and the date ended!" Thorin snapped and took a long pull of beer.

"What? Really? How'd he react?" Fili sounded genuinely curious. Thorin mourned for any semblance of normalcy in his life.

"Badly, because in polite society you don't usually stab you waiters, however" Thorin hesitated before continuing. "I told him I hunted." His nephews gasped and Dwalin groaned and slapped a large hand to the table in frustration.

"Thorin! You didn't."

"I did. He seemed surprised," Dwalin snorted, "But then he told me he knew Gandalf was a wizard and to call tomorrow." Thorin finished smugly. The other three exchanged surprised glances before Kili grinned widely and asked,

"So when's the wedding then?"


End file.
